Dear Avid Readers
by Writer With Sprite
Summary: Wolf writes a letter to let FanFiction readers know how he feels. Eagle follows up with another letter offering blackmail as a bribe. Now Fox chimes in... or tries too, anyway. UPDATED! 6/12/2014.
1. Wolf

Wolf writes a very important letter. One-shot. Drabble. Probably closer to a crack fic.

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Dear Avid FanFiction Fans:

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you for your avid interest in the K-Unit. We're not all bad though, really. I mean, sure, Eagle has his moments, but he's not that hyper. You just can't let him have caffeine or alcohol. If you do, good luck trying to get out of the room alive. I almost murdered the D-Unit member who fed him caffeine. If I could label Eagle one thing I would label him "do not feed."

Secondly, could you guys (and ladies, since maybe most of you are ladies, I don't know) stop paring me with Alex Rider. **He is younger than me. I'm not gay**. Seriously – I don't want to even think about the… never mind. Just don't do it, please?

Thirdly: please stop the "Alex Rider goes to camp with his entire class." The SAS does not tolerate children. We would eat them alive. Although I have to admit I have found some of those pieces of fiction rather amusing.

Another note here. How did you get my real name? It's not in any of the books! I almost wish they had put it in the books because it would be nice to not be called random things.

Fourthly, please stop making me Alex Rider's guardian! I'm not his legal guardian. I never wanted to be. I refuse to be. I would have kicked him out. And how many stories are there about that? And no, Eagle, Snake, and Fox aren't his legal guardian, either! Although I admit, it's a little freaky how you all figured out Fox's real name before we did… I guess we should have read the series.

Fifthly… What on earth possess you to spend your time reading this stuff? Don't you know half of this information is classified?

Sincerely annoyed,

Wolf

A/N: Read & Review! Let me know how you loved it (or hated it). If you laughed at least once, I'm requiring you to review, or you'll loose all your internet cookies.


	2. Eagle

Dear Avid Readers,

Wolf has encouraged me to read FanFiction. Firstly, I must say, I am hooked. There are some of you that are extremely good writers. But not all of you. I mean, I'm sure all of you are good writers in your own way, but I don't like some of your work. Like the books that portray me as hyper. I'm not naturally hyper! (Now you know who I am, right?)

That's honestly why I'm writing to you. Okay, let me correct myself. I'm not hyper unless I have alcohol or caffeine, which you never let me have in your books.

Why not? It would really be so much fun. I mean, think of all the stories you could write with that! That's right, Wolf and Cub – run in fear!

By the way, I thought I'd take the opportunity to offer you some blackmail.

Wolf snores at night, loudly. He's allergic to pineapple and hates red tomato sauce on everything but pizza. He actually likes those thirty kilometer hikes where we have to carry 30 pounds on our back and make it in a certain time – he says they shut me up. Meanie.

Fox likes mystery novels. He wants to join MI6 when he is done with SAS. I told him the only way he could quit SAS was if he was dead, and to which he responded, "SAS doesn't work like that." I said, "Wanna bet?" and he responded by smacking me on the back of his head. But I saw the look of fear in his eyes! Really – he's scared of me.

Hell, they're all scared of me.

Snake is a terrible mother-hen. You have no idea how awful of a mother hen he is. Really, some days I want to shoot him. Personally, I vote him the worse SAS mother hen in the SAS. Wait, did I repeat myself? Oh, in addition to his mother henning, he also knows how to knit. I ask you, what SAS solider knows how to knit? Snake insists it was a skill that his babysitter taught him. He says he hasn't seen it come in handy yet.

Cub is the final one. I don't really have much blackmail on him. But I do have his address, which I guess I'll be nice and won't post publically. I fished it out of the tag on his shirt. I think he has someone who cares about him. It's obvious in the way he talks, like he knows he has something to go back to. It's probably a guy, too; the name is Jack. Although I thought I heard him mention "she" once. Maybe Cub has his sexuality with the person mixed up.

Hopefully I don't.

Anyway, there you go; blackmail on the SAS members. Now hit that button at the bottom and say thank you to me for giving you such awesome material.


	3. Fox

Hey ya'll. I'm coming out of a _long_ depression - nearly a one-year break from writing - and am finally deciding to get back on the bandwagon by starting with fanfiction. Hope ya'll can forgive me. Some of my stories will be deleted and reposted later when they're finished. I loved this story, so I wanted to tack on a bit more. I hope you enjoy. See you on the flip side, hopefully with more updates. Thank God for meds. They really can work.

Writer with Sprite

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><p><em>Dear FanFiction Readers: <em>

What shall I say here that you don't already know? It's me. Fox. You know me as the calm, cool and collected one, the one who messes with the electronics and shit. You also try and pair me with Alex. I won't deny that the kid is cute, but I refuse to date a minor. Maybe when he's 18?

No, Eagle, I will not let you contribute to this letter. You want to add something? EAGLE! Give me back my p-

Please excuse that blood smear at the upper left top there. It's not mine. It's our best friends'. Yes. You know who he is.

He may _think he has blackmail on us…._

But I have blackmail on him!

Did you know he sleeps with a teddy bear when it thunderstorms?

Okay, not really.

Yikes… He read that. Gotta go!

-Fox

* * *

><p>Thanks again,<p>

WWS


	4. Snake

I may as well finish out the unit… right?

-Writer With Sprite

* * *

><p>I never should have said anything to Eagle about fanfiction. I made the mistake of Googling K-Unit. Good Lord. What a <em>horrible<em> mistake.

I don't even know why I'm writing to you all.

Maybe to set a few things straight.

Number one: I am not gay. Sad to say. That rhymes. Okay, I have a girlfriend. Okay, I don't know that you'd call her a girlfriend. But I'm calling her a girlfriend. Just don't let Wolf know because – well I won't post it here because Wolf _will know_.

No, you can't know Wolf… Give me back my sharpie.

Yes, I am writing this in sharpie. Eagle stole the pen. And broke it. And the other ones are God -

Okay, Eagle… Stop looking over my shoulder. You can read it when it's posted. _When it's posted Eagle_! It will be posted in about five seconds, I swear to God. Jesus Ch—

Sorry Jesus.

So I guess our pens are in the dishwasher. I really don't want to know.

Anyway, I've forgotten my point. Anyone want a comrade?

Oh, yeah. My point. My point is that…. These things about us aren't always accurate. So don't believe everything you read. Like Abraham Lincoln said, don't believe everything you read on the internet, just because there's a quote next to it.

Snake


	5. Alex (FIN)

Dear Fanfiction Readers,

You won't believe who found my address. Of all people. Seriously? Okay, here's a few things I'd like to keep straight.

· I am not dating Wolf, Snake, or Eagle. Or Fox.

· I am NOT working with MI6 anymore.

· I AM in hiding because I am NOT working with MI6.

· I do not like being kidnapped.

· I do not like being sentenced to work at that camp of hell with all my classmates.

· I do like stories where I live a normal life.

…. I do have one question ….

WHO GAVE EAGLE MY ADDRESS?

Sincerely,

Cub

FIN


End file.
